Endurance

Job through all he went through continued to praise God. To read the story when I was a kid or even in high school and the early years of college, I read it and did not comprehend what Job went through. As I am reading Job I imagine how he must have felt when his life was suddenly taken from him when he did not deserve it. Life is so hard. It is at night when I contemplate what I have done and what I have yet to do. Its hard to find the purpose when you don't know your destination. Father be the light in the dark.

Life is

erratic that it is scary and beautiful at the same time. My last entry was I believe was titled "it's been a long time." I wrote that entry several months ago. I began this blog not only to write about what I am going through but also encourage those who are going through the same. I admit once I felt a sense of little relief I wanted to just live each day that I didn't feel anxiety without writing in this blog. I've prayed countless times for healing yet through this I am learning to pray when there is nothing wrong. I've gave thanks so many times when health was good and things were going great but I've learned to give thanks while going through the toughest times in my life. 2010 hands down has been my hardest year. Anxiety is something I can not run away from. It can only be defeated by standing my ground and facing it no matter how scary it is. It is scary. It keeps you frozen, feet nailed to the floor, and eyes fixated on the problems your mind creates. With this entry I am rededicating myself to this blog as well as God. I believe everyday I have to dedicate myself to God since each is different from the last.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety" -Psalm 18:2

Been awhile

since I've posted up a blog. I'm glad to say that God has been healing me day by day and though not fully healed I have come a long way. Today I had several mini panic attacks in which I felt life was almost surreal, similar to an outer body experience (I've been told that to get back to realty I should pinch my nipples haha thank you for the advice babe). side note* To laugh at my anxiety and to not fear it was the words of Juliet. Thank you for that advise and will take it to heart. Though I have memorized only but a handful of verses they have been wonderful to my recovery. I forget where I heard this and may have even posted this up on earlier blogs but when Jesus was being tempted in the desert He recited verses to fight of the devil. If Jesus needed to do this how much more so do we? I am unsure of whether or not anyone with panic attacks or anxiety can see my blog but I know that if God wills it you will find it and read these words. Find comfort knowing that you are not the only person going through anxiety and to that point only. True peace will come from the words found in the Bible. A great place to begin is in Psalms.

With graduation around the corner I find myself worrying more and more yet I always forget that no worry is greater than God. I must remind myself daily to trust in God and present my worries to Him and only then will I find true peace. Nothing is impossible. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith; the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety"

Today's bible verse:

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me" Psalm 23:4

Our God

Today was wonderful! Though it was uneventful I went through the day with little to no anxiety. Praise God! Though I am unsure if anyone with anxiety can even find this blog I will continue to write in hopes that it finds you.

I finished the book of Psalms a few days ago but have decided to reread it. By looking through Psalms again I know that I will find things I didn't not see before and even more excited going through it this time because thinking back when I did start Psalms for the first time I had so much anxiety and had constant panic attacks but now I am being blessed through the Word and is living proof that God is there and listening to my prayers. Thank you father

Today's verse:

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. - John 14:27

Medicine for a broken soul

Why should the devil have all the good music? Being a dj I have come across a lot of music yet nothing compares to worship songs. I have been away from Christian music for so long and it feels wonderful to listen to it once more. Currently a few favorites of mine is David Crowder Band - How he loves and MercyMe - Bring the Rain.

Yesterday I got in a car accident and now I am without my car. On top of this I have a cold. As if anxiety was not bad enough however I know that God will never give me anything I can not handle. For that I am ever grateful. I continue to try and not worry Matthew 6: 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life. It is a daily struggle to present God with my worries and know that He is in control. I will continue to pray that I fully rely on God rather than partially.

Slowly I have come to realize that my social skills have decreased. I hope that just as I had slowly lost my social skills I will slowly regain them as the days go on. This may sound insignificant but I feel it a huge burden. We are social creatures and thrive on the company of others.

I find myself questioning myself when I feel happy or not anxious. Why do I do this? It is so negative. I must stop this!

Today's verse: I lift my eyes to the mountain - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth - Psalm 121:1-2

Progressive

Rather than anxiety I have been feeling frustrated and irritated. Anyone will get me mad. Almost feel as though I am going through pms. My emotions have been everywhere. Have a huge headache that is not going away.

It is so hard to be consistent in trusting God. Father give me strength.

Mornings

Lately I look forward to sleep since it is the only time in which I get away from the anxiety yet I hate the fact that I do look forward to it since it is avoiding the problem. I wake up remembering dreams vividly and have a hard time when my eyes first open. I know that I am in for another rough day. I have been reading the bible at night and only at night but I have a need to constantly read the bible. Starting today I will not restrict myself to a set time but read the bible whenever my soul longs for the scripture.

The scary thoughts and uneasiness has rolled over to today. From the start I am having a difficult time. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27. I do not have an extensive amount of verses memorized but by memorizing one a day it will be a start and when anxiety strikes I will strike back.

Today's bible verses:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7

Consistency

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13

This verse has literally gotten me through the day. Like any other day anxiety kept attacking me yet today I was different; at the tip of my tongue I had scripture ready. Last night I prayed that I would have the ability to memorize verses and He had answered.

It is taking me awhile to write this entry for some reason maybe because of all the distractions in the room. In the midst of the TV blaring and the noise from the game my brother was playing scary thoughts began to pop into my head. Even now as I type I am fending off the unwanted thoughts and replacing them with God's word. When I look at the bible it is just a book and the words inside it is no different than any other book in the world. Yet the moment I read it, meditate on it, and then put it into practice it becomes much more than a book. One could say I feel passionate about this book or that book what is the difference? The contents of this Book can not be matched. Our creator has given us an opportunity to know more about Him. A gateway into the spiritual realm. A means to grow ever closer to our God.

It has been just recently that I have become so passionate about the Bible. I have always had a Bible besides my bed yet I never thought to open it besides for Sunday service. I regret so much that I did not study the Bible sooner and then maybe I could have avoided my anxieties all together yet there is no use in regretting I guess. I have been focusing on the book of Psalm through my recovery and David and the other psalmist have done wonders for me. In tonight's reading what stood out the most for me was in Psalm 136 "His love endures forever" is written 26 times. I caught myself beginning to just skip over where it had said, "His love endures forever." But I went back and I reflected on the word forever. Humans can not comprehend forever. We know that there is a beginning and an end but this is not true! God loves us eternally and not just when we are good. I will put my trust in you Lord, in your eternal love for us.

i can only imagine

My goal with this blog is divided into two: to write down my thoughts and see for myself what I am thinking and for anyone out there going through what I am to give hope and share the love of God with you. Together I wish to grow and learn more about God.

Anxiety has haunted me for so long I can't remember how life was before it. As I type these words I feel as though I will never be healed and often like now I feel as though I have lost hope. Yet through anxiety I have come to know God on deeper more intimate level that I could have never imagined. I have been a christian all my life yet I had only sought out God when I needed healing.

I have read many blogs and forums where people who have overcome anxiety are trying to help those who are going through it. God bless them! Wonderful people and I wish to do the same yet I have not overcome it yet. The main lesson that I have learned is to praise God regardless of circumstances. To quote MercyMe:

"I can count a million times

people asking me how I

can praise You with all that I've gone through

the question just amazes me

can circumstances possibly

change who I forever am in you"

Last night I had a panic attack (I am assuming it was a panic attack I have yet to go to the doctor to be diagnosed with anything). Regardless of what man may call what I am going through I do know that the cure is the Word (however I am not against medication nor do I discourage it rather I have come to understand that the medicine which in my case was Zoloft can only do so much). Many people have wrote that they have anxiety yet have no described what they went through and though everyone's experience with anxiety is different the feeling is mutual. Last night I felt hopelessness which then led to being light headed. Almost as though I had an outer body experience I was looking down at myself for a brief moment. I began to have scary thoughts and immediately prayed. Since the anxiety was attacking me, and I do mean attacking in a literal sense, at the moment I could not think straight. A feeling that was inescapable. Then in disparity I stumbled upon a sermon by Charles Stanley on youtube.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. AND THE GOD OF PEACE WILL BE WITH YOU." - Phillippians 4:4-9

Part 1: Pray right.

Part 2: Think right.

Part 3: Live right (put the Word to practice).

Result: THE GOD OF PEACE WILL BE WITH YOU

AMEN! How awesome is our God! The creator of everything we know as well as all that is indescribable, A God bigger than the universe which is hard enough to fathom is hearing our prayers! Do not lose hope those out there going through anxiety! God is with you do not forget that when anxiety strikes and the devil whispers in your hears that it is hopeless. As a dear friend of mine always says "IN JESUS' NAME BE GONE!"